Awakening From Loving a Chimera...

This is one of the best descriptions of the awakening/healing process I've read so far -
yet another fabulous post on LoveFraud.com

"...In those first minutes and hours and days away from him, within the protective veil of No Contact, I came face to face with reality and accepted my truth. I never loved him. I wanted to think I did. I truly wanted to believe I did. But, in reality, I loved a mirage. A shimmering creation of his duplicitous creation. He was the chimera. Facilely capable of shifting shape to suit the weather, the time zone, the geographic formations around him.

I never loved him. I loved the thought of him. The idea. The dream.

In accepting the reality of my love of the idea of him versus the truth of who he was, I freed myself to awaken from the nightmare of his embrace. In my awakening, I opened myself up to all that is possible when I let go of living on cloud nine, squeezing my feet into too small high heeled shoes that inevitably trip me up. Feet firmly planted on the ground in my size nine hiking boots, and armed with my shield of No Contact, I strode fearlessly away from my need to hear his voice, to know what he was doing and saying and thinking. To make sense of his nonsense. To understand his machinations.

He did what he did because he could. It’s what he does. It’s who he is..."

Click here for full article.

Love and hugs, Laura

Edited posting - The importance of labels...

There is a strong current that claims that the use of labels is destructive. I think the rejection of labels is as destructive as wielding them as a weapon, and it's important to distinguish between the two.

My ex is a narcissist and a sociopath or as Steven Becker coins a "narcissiopath". Why is it important for me to embrace these labels? Because it serves to validate my experience and pain in a way that cannot be otherwise.

One of my ex's friends tried to blame me for what happened by claiming that a jerk is a jerk and it was my responsibility to recognize that my ex is a jerk. But therein lies the problem. A jerk is recognizable by anyone, no problem. A narcissiopath is not! And, in fact, if he targets you he initially appears as the opposite of jerk. My ex's friend would like to believe that she rejected my ex as not suitable for a relationship "no matter how cute he was," and therefore I should have been able/capable of the same. But the truth is that my ex rejected her, for whatever reason (perhaps she herself is a narcissist and can't supply what he needs) as unsuitable.

When a narcissist/sociopath decides you're what they want they become the opposite of "jerk", i.e. they morph into your perfect mate for the sole purpose of extracting what they want from you and then discarding an unrecognizable shell. Embracing the label narcissist or sociopath allows a survivor to begin to understand the complexity and depth of what happened to her. Jerks don't set out to destroy. Narcissiopaths do. Jerks are simply jerks. Narcissiopaths are predators. Labels help us to make very important - and in in the case of a survivor, critical - distinctions that cannot be made otherwise.

hugs and love, Laura

Will/Can I ever trust again?

The Love Scripts of Sociopaths

One of the reasons it all seems so real...

"...Contrary to expectations then sociopaths do not lack love schemas. They are perfectly adept and perhaps more adept than most in talking about love..."

Click here to read full article at LoveFraud.com