It can happen to anyone...Narcissism Unmasked: David Baldwin's Trauma Information Pages

February 21, 2009

David Baldwin's Trauma Information Pages

These Trauma Pages focus primarily on emotional trauma and traumatic stress, including PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) and dissociation, whether following individual traumatic experience(s) or a large-scale disaster. The purpose of this award winning site is to provide information for clinicians and researchers in the traumatic-stress field. Specifically, my interests here include both clinical and research aspects of trauma responses and their resolution. For example:

What goes on biologically in the brain during traumatic experience and its resolution?
Which psychotherapeutic procedures are most effective with traumatic symptoms, for which patients and why?
How can we best measure clinical efficacy and treatment outcome for trauma survivor populations?

Supportive resources supplement the more academic or research information of interest to clinicians, researchers, and students. I do realize that these are not mutually exclusive groups.

Continuously online for eleven years - since May 19, 1995 (a month after the Oklahoma City bombing), this site has welcomed 1,299,574 visits (464 today). Please check back, and enjoy exploring the extensive trauma resources available on this site!

Site Overview

About Trauma: Narrative: "Traumatic events shake the foundations of our beliefs, and may shatter our trust..."
Trauma Articles: Full-text articles on traumatic stress, including dissociation, diagnosis and treatment issues.
Trauma Resources: Research-related trauma resources: online databases, organizations, treatment approaches...
Trauma Support: Supportive resources on specific types of trauma, treatment & related mental health issues...
Disaster Mental Health: Mental health handouts, guidelines & links to help validate or normalize disaster responses...
Trauma Bookstore: Recommended trauma books for professionals & survivors -- please help support this site.
Links: ...about PTSD & trauma, EEG & neuroscience, psychology, research, medical & other topics.
About David Baldwin: ... the Trauma Pages' psychologist author/editor: clinical practice, speaking, consulting, etc.

Feel free to email comments or suggestions to David Baldwin, PhD

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10 Ways to Identify a Sociopath

Listen to the way your partner speaks. Most sociopaths put themselves on pedestals. Their grandiose sense of self makes them feel entitled to certain things. They see these things as "their right."
Pay attention to the way the person treats you. A sociopath is manipulative, domineering, controlling, and takes pleasure in humiliating his victim(s). Sociopaths have self-serving behaviors.
Count the lies. Sociopaths are notorious liars. It's almost impossible for a sociopath to tell the truth.
Observe the way the person expresses his or her emotions. A sociopath has an incapacity for love. Promiscuity, addictions, verbal outbursts and physical punishments are the sociopath's way of stimulating himself.
Wait until he or she says or does something wrong. The sociopath shows no remorse, shame or guilt. Although a sociopath may be outraged by insignifican matters, he or she will remain unmoved by serious matters.
Count his or her friends. A sociopath has trouble making and keeping friends. He will make up an excuse for this, too.
Listen to other people. Sociopaths do not become sociopaths overnight. They have a history. Sometimes these histories include aberrant behaviors, including: stealing, lying, promiscuity, and cruelty to people or animals.
Observe the way she blames others. The sociopath does not take responsibility for her actions. Instead, she blames others, even for acts she obviously committed.
Listen to his plans for the future. The sociopath makes unrealistic plans for the future. He does not fulfill his promises and exploits those that try to help him achieve his goals.
Take a step back. It may be hard to recognize a sociopath, especially when you're in a relationship with this person. A sociopath can become very abusive. Unfortunately, the abuse will not stop. The sociopath "gets by" by promising, lying, and manipulating. This will create a sense of hoplessness in the victim, thus producing an addictive cycle for abuser and abused.

46 Characteristics of a Narcissist

1. Self-centered. His needs are paramount.

2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.

3. Unreliable, undependable.

4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions.

5. Projects his faults on to others. High
blaming behavior; never his fault.

6. Little if any conscience.

7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.

8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.

9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.

10. People are to be manipulated for his needs.

11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps
talking, changes the subject or gets angry.

12. Pathological lying.

13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.

14. No real values. Mostly situational.

15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.

16. Angry, mercurial, moods.

17. Uses sex to control

18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.

19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.

20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.

21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.

22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.

23. Moody - switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.

24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.

25. Seldom expresses appreciation.

26. Grandiose. Convinced he knows more than others and is correct in all he does.

27. Lacks ability to see how he comes across to others. Defensive when confronted with his behavior. Never his fault.

28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.

29. He breaks woman's spirits to keep them dependent.

30. Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.

31. Sabotages partner. Wants her to be happy only through him and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.

32. Highly contradictory.

33. Convincing. Must convince people to side with him.

34. Hides his real self. Always “on”

35. Kind only if he's getting from you what he wants.

36. He has to be right. He has to win. He has to look good.

37. He announces, not discusses. He tells, not asks.

38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.

39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.

40. Unilateral condition of, "I'm OK and justified so I don't need to hear your position or ideas"

41. Always feels misunderstood.

42. You feel miserable with this person. He drains you.

43. Does not listen because he does not care.

44. His feelings are discussed, not the partners.

45. Is not interested in problem-solving..

46. Very good at reading people, so he can manipulate them. Sometimes called gaslighting.

Grieving the Narcissist

I found this to be an inspired, meticulous and empathetic detailing of the grief experience. Truly amazing. ~Invicta

Author: nickyskye

Date: March 13, 2001 10:31 AM

Subject: grieving a N/Hermes

In response to message posted by Hermes:

My heart goes out to you in your recovery. Grieving the loss of a relationship with a N has many layers. They are not the usual layers of grieving a healthy person. The problem is that some of the layers ARE the same as grieving a healthy person but then there are layers reserved only for the loss of a N relationship, which are not understood by the 'civilian' population and can ONLY be understood by those who have survived a significant relationship with a N.

In a healthy relationship break-up one grieves:

The dream of love not continuing.
The break in the continuity of the familiar.
The pain of saying goodbye.
The sadness of the exchange of ill will in the parting.
A sense of loss.
Living with the nostalgia of things one used to do together, broken memories of past pleasures.
Hope interrupted.
Well wishing put aside for self-survival.

Those are typical feelings that can come up after a break-up of a healthy relationship.

But grieving a N there are other ingredients, not available to the public understanding, such as:

The nightmare of going from being idealized to being devalued.
Discovering the web of lies on many levels.
Coming to terms with the terrible, terrible understanding that one was not an object of love but a source of NS. That in itself is so painful that it has many stages of comprehension.
The dawning of understanding that one's nostalgia and tender memories of affection for the N were corrupted by the N's agenda.
Not being believed by people about some of the weird things the N did and feeling isolated in one's grief more than in grieving a healthy break-up.
Discovering with some horror, mingled with relief of a strange kind, that the person one loved was not the person one thought one loved.
Everything about the relationship shifts into the garish clinical light of the DSMlV. One's object of former love is now something of a lab specimen, "a typical N".
Not being able to let go with love but having to let go only with understanding. The closure itself has the sadness of knowing the ex is disfigured, deformed but always dangerous. [I'm not certain closure is possible. ~Invicta]
When one hears one's healthy ex is having sex with a new person, married, or has gone on in their life, there is a sting of sadness, the nostalgia for 'what could have been'. That itself, the astringency becomes part of the detaching. And as time goes by that sting becomes a well wishing, including the ex in one's loving prayers. The ex gets woven into the fabric of one's fond memories.
But with a xN, news of their present life always bring chills of fear and twinges of unresolved grieving. Who are they hurting now? Will they ever come into my life again? Was I not important to them, was it all that for nothing? Knowing about the N's need for NS one cannot help thinking will they come back for my NS? Was *my* NS something they treasured and miss?
But in the light of day, understanding the N means that one is not valued for who one IS but only as a commodity, for NS, empty, meaningless NS.
After the detachment is physically complete with a N there is the nagging abyss of was that all for nothing? It's a terrible loss and there is nowhere to go with that loss. It's static. It doesn't evolve into lost love. It just remains as a loss.

Grieving a N is a burden, it's a hole in one's life.

Love, Nicky

It can happen to anyone...Narcissism Unmasked

February 21, 2009

David Baldwin's Trauma Information Pages

Site Overview

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A Blog of Hope and Recovery for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

by Laura Kamienski 11/23/2008

Blog Archive

Are You Dating a Sociopath?

10 Ways to Identify a Sociopath

46 Characteristics of a Narcissist

Grieving the Narcissist

About the Author

Become my Facebook friend - Mention this blog in your friend request.

Disclaimers

Links

Books on NPD

Songs for recovery...

It can happen to anyone...Narcissism Unmasked

February 21, 2009

David Baldwin's Trauma Information Pages

Site Overview

No comments:

Post a Comment

Search This Blog

A Blog of Hope and Recovery for Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

by Laura Kamienski 11/23/2008

Blog Archive

Are You Dating a Sociopath?

10 Ways to Identify a Sociopath

46 Characteristics of a Narcissist

Grieving the Narcissist

Subscribe

About the Author

Become my Facebook friend - Mention this blog in your friend request.

Disclaimers

Links

Books on NPD

Songs for recovery...