Sociopathic Weapons of Choice: A Post for My Ex's Victims Both Past and Present

When I first learned that my ex had been diagnosed with NPD I desperately wanted to believe that something could be done and that he was on the "mild" end of some sort of sociopathic spectrum. As my research continues I've come to the conclusion that those who are most often considered mild sociopaths are simply sociopaths who don't want to get their hands dirty. They choose not to commit acts of physical violence. Instead they prefer emotional torture, which all too often results in the suicide of the sociopath's victim. 

Since psychological aggression isn't considered a crime, and since sociopaths are experts at appearing blameless and upstanding, and since victims are often left feeling responsible for their own abuse, these emotional rapists are commonly dismissed as mild sociopaths who merely have "narcissistic traits" or "tendencies." (By the way, my ex was aware of his diagnosis when I met him. If he really believed this wasn't a  problem he wouldn't have chosen to withhold this information.)

Sociopaths don't feel emotion the way normal people do, but they learn to mimic it by closely observing the behaviors and responses of others. If you ever felt like a lab rat in a maze with your N, know that you in fact were! He was learning how to direct you to the cheese and what kind to leave out for you. Sociopaths want to experience authentic emotion and many of them cause pain in others in the hope of feeling something, anything. But just as (Michael Fox points out) bodily torture isn't called physical persuasion. Likewise the harm caused by the psychological warfare waged by a sociopath isn't simply a matter of emotional manipulation or persuasion. It is emotional rape, the purpose of which is no different than bodily rape. Victims of sociopaths end up with PTSD symptoms exactly like any other victim of any other kind of torture.

So was my ex mild? Hell no! 

Because he chooses not to destroy with his hands or hire an assassin does not mean that his weapon of choice is any less destructive or vicious. The trail of tortured souls he has left behind him, and continues to leave in his wake may not be bloody or bruised, but are just as real and every bit as damaged. Emotional assault is as devastating for victims and those that love them as any criminal assault. Unfortunately this weapon is legal and is (as was spousal rape in the past) considered socially acceptable. 

The people currently forced to stay in my ex's life continue to be victimized. Some know what he is and are able to defend themselves to some degree, but are still being held as prisoners of war. Those he manages to captivate in future will be victimized until they are able to see behind the mask, hopefully make a clean escape, and begin the long road to recovery. My heart goes out to all of them... this post is for them.

love and hugs,

Laura