I had a dream... by Bryan Erskine

An amazing piece to inspire closure and forgiveness by my friend and fellow survivor Bryan Erskine...

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I had a dream.

I was walking along the beach and there you were, sitting on a rock with your bare feet in the water. You were wearing your long white skirt, and your hoop earrings were gleaming beneath your hair. You looked every inch the beautiful Gypsy Princess

I'd met all those years ago.

You seemed pleased to see me and smiled.

Yet suddenly, you froze, as if time was standing still.

We were like we were before the crazy times. Before the fighting, the storming out, the breaking glasses. Before all the hatred and bad feeling. I sat down next to you as you stared into the distance, unblinking.

'I know that you remember me,' I said. 'I've come to make peace with you.' You didn't move. I picked up a piece of seaweed to absent-mindedly play with as I spoke.

'There is a lot of things left unsaid,' I continued. 'I know what you are, and why you tried to break me. You nearly did it, you know?'

There was still no response,

'I understand now how empty you are, and how I was just a mirror - an object to see yourself in, to prove to yourself that you exist. I want you to know that I never forgot the person I thought you were, or the person I really am. I want you to know that the day I came to your house, I still thought that those people could be together - but a new mirror answered the door.

You see, I had this crazy idea that if I left it just long enough, we could have left all the madness behind. I'm sorry for all I did. I'm also sorry that you can't face up to your own part in it all, because of what you are.'

I gazed at your beautiful, unmoving face and then turned my head to the Ocean.

Our ocean.

For a moment, I was back there, where we drank wine and watched the sun set. The place where we ate our chips and made each other laugh. The place where we made our dreams, dreams that answered my prayers and promised to last forever. I could feel the warm sun on my face, and hear the sounds of the sea. Dreams can be very real if you want them to be, but a dream can just as easily be a mirage - a cruel trick that can make you run to cool water that isn't really there.

Suddenly, you snapped. Cracks began to appear in your porcelain skin.

'What do you mean, Bryan?' you shouted.

'You abused me! You bullied me.. and then you left!'

I smiled to myself and looked down to the pebbles in the sand. I knew that there was no point in trying to get you to see things differently. I knew that I had heard it all before, about the mirror before me - the one that broke. I knew that the new mirror believed it about me too. Mutual hatred is a useful tool to draw someone in with, but true love doen't need hate in order to fly.

I stood up.

'I'm sorry that you never really knew love,' I said. 'You know.. you could only have done what you did to me because I can.'

Standing there, I could see you for what you really were - a wounded soul that needs to destroy in order to live. You were still beautiful as all predators are.

'I will never forget you, but I can forgive you', I said.

After all, it was forgiveness that had set me free. I smiled at you one last time and walked away. The beach was all mine now, as it had really been all along.