My ex is a n
arcissist and a sociopath or as Steven Becker coins a "narcissiopath". Why is it important for me to embrace these labels? Because it serves to validate my experience and pain in a way that cannot be otherwise.One of my ex's friends tried to blame me for what happened by claiming that a jerk is a jerk and it was my responsibility to recognize that my ex is a jerk. But therein lies the problem. A jerk is recognizable by anyone, no problem. A narcissiopath is not! And, in fact, if he targets you he initially appears as the opposite of jerk. My ex's friend would like to believe that she rejected my ex as not suitable for a relationship "no matter how cute he was," and therefore I should have been able/capable of the same. But the truth is that my ex rejected her, for whatever reason (perhaps she herself is a narcissist and can't supply what he needs) as unsuitable.
When a narcissist/sociopath decides you're what they want they become the opposite of "jerk", i.e. they morph into your perfect
mate for the sole purpose of extracting what they want from you and then discarding an unrecognizable shell. Embracing the label narcissist or sociopath allows a survivor to begin to understand the complexity and depth of what happened to her. Jerks don't set out to destroy. Narcissiopaths do. Jerks are simply jerks. Narcissiopaths are predators. Labels help us to make very important - and in in the case of a survivor, critical - distinctions that cannot be made otherwise.hugs and love, Laura
Posts
All of the therapists and experts (half dozen or so) I've talked to about this agree that the amount of solid scientific information available about sociopathy and other disorders has increased exponentially in the past ten years. When my ex discarded his ex-wife for example she barely had any resource to turn to. The amount of data and the general... Read More agreement about these labels gives much more weight and consistency to them. Labels are only misleading if they are misunderstood. Most of the terms relevant to personality disorder have been solidified since you were in school (25 years ago :0 ) While studying the classics is useful (Marx for example when looking at economics) advances render them sorely lacking and incomplete. It is vital to look at the work that launched off of them.
ReplyDeleteSomething else I've learned is that most of the information done on personality disorders in the past was done with institutionalized or incarcerated people. Most sociopaths aren't criminals (in the legal sense) and don't end up in institutions. They are "normal" people we all hang out with. They only destroy those who are in close working or ... Read Moreintimate relationships with them. They target very specific people for very specific reasons. Otherwise, if you're not in their sites, they are generally fun, intelligent, charming people.
ReplyDelete